How to show up as your best self. Not just for your family but for YOU as well!
We have more insight to motherhood than ever before thanks to Tik Tok. We hear about the highs and the lows across the board. We live for the funny comments the kids make, the reaction videos and the sweet moments that are captured unexpectedly (so they say lol/jk)
It's no secret that the duty of a mother is crititcal, imperative and honestly, never ending! You are the first person this new little human knows from the time of conception to birth. Your voice, your heartbeat, your breathing and even how you feel are literally all our litlle aliens know while still developing within us. Have you seen the videos where the kids will walk right pass their dad to ask their mom for help? I could scream right now. Why don't they want us to have a break, frans? Like, make it make sense! Lol
I am a wife, and a mom of 3. Our oldest is 5 and we have a set of 3 year old twins. Would you believe me if I told you that I am still finding my way through this motherhood thing? I am in no way an expert, nor do I have it all figured out. What I do know is this, everything I am about to tell you are what has helped me along the way and what I still need to remind myself of from time to time.
Tip #1 - They're Not Yours To Keep
Ok, hear me out though. Our kids, just like their parents, were born with a purpose for their life. It is our duty as parents to lead them in the way they should go (Proverbs 22:6) by raising them in the discipline and instruction from the Lord (Ephesians 6:4). As a mama-bear myself, this concept was hard to grasp and accept. "What do you mean they're not mine? I have the scars to prove they are!", "Give them back to You? Excuse me, sir?" You name it, I thought it an felt it. Over time, as I grew in my personal relationship with the Lord, I found peace and freedom in this. I don't have to have everything figured out for their lives, Our Father already does. I don't have to worry when they aren't in my care, Our Father will keep and protect them (Ps, we should still use wisdom with whom we leave them with. Ps again lol, this is still a struggle for me though, sis!) I don't have to sign them up for every program under the sun to ensure they will be the perfect human. My job is to follow God, accept Him as the Provider He is and allow Him to show me the way for my children. I have to show them what following God looks like in order for them to do the same to fufill their own purpose. Motherhood is definitely a calling, just remember you can be called to more than one area!
Tip #2 - Remain aware of your personal goals
Can I be honest with you? I have no idea where it came from but once I became a mother, I had this image of what a "mother" should look like. Due to this thought process, I ultimately lost myself. I kept trying to change "Sarah" to look, feel and act like my newst role and title, "mama". I completely (and unintentionally) detached myself from the person I was before "mom" to try to create a new person that was better suited for the role.
Naturally, somethings about you will change once you enter motherhood. (like aquiring allergies after your first born, ugh!) However, everything about you should not change. The dreams and desires you had can still come to pass. The goals you set for yourself can still be reached. It may not look the way you thought it would getting there or maybe you have to pace yourself a bit more in order to acheive said goal but you can do it!
We don't have to let go of who we were before motherhood, we simply have to include the person we are also becoming because of motherhood.
Take a minute after reading this post and evaluate or re-evaluate those goals, dreams and desires. Let's get to work acheiving them!
Tip #3 - Girl Tiiiimmmmeeee
As our friendship groups evolve, we age and no longer living in the same cities - it becomes easier and easier to allow time to slip away. It's easy to still feel close by settling for the covenience of a Facetime call instead of being inentional and planning some time together. Don't get me wrong, I understand that planning a trip is not as easy as saying "plan a trip". I am guilty of not making any additional moves or thinking about doing the thing but never putting any action behind it. I am definitely going to be more intentional about this is 2024 myslef. (The rest of my 2023 is already planned out.)
Everytime I get with my girls, I leave feeling so refreshed. So ready to conquer the next few weeks/months without them. We need our friends just as much as our kids need us. Our friends are our reminders that we had a life before motherhood. That we are more than "mom". On many occasions, my friends have helped me remember who I was. They saw the changes in me and began to speak life into me. They reminded me of what I had accomplished and the dreams/goals I talked about before the kids and before the husband. They reminded me of the fight I had to fight to get this far and that there is still more to come. They helped me get out of my head!
Whether it's a big thing, or just you and one other friend. Whether you plan to go out the country or 1 hour away from home. Plan it, sis! Plan first, get a babysistter immediately after lol
Tip #4 - Quiet Time
As a busy mama myself, I know that tip #4 does not come by so easy. I want to challenge you to be intentional about your days and creating time and space for you to sit in silence. Whether it's 5 minutes or you're able to get an hour. Do your very best to create some time during each day to stop everything around you and just breathe! In that moment, pray, give thanks and leave room to hear from God. We can't keep going without Him!
Tip #5 - Lead With Grace. Lead With Love
Motherhood has honeslty been the journey of my life lol. It's a 24/7 job. I have been through seasons where I felt like I was finally getting the hang of things and seasons where everything seems to fall apart. I've experienced seasons of self doubt, imposter syndrome and even feeling incapable. Tip #5 is a daily tip for self. Be kind to yourself. Be patient. The roads will get rough but God will never give us more than we can bare. We were called for this! We were called to this! We are not perfect and we will make mistakes. Guess what though, Our Father in Heaven still loves us and so does your family!
Always remember, you were created for this!
All my love,
Sarah, your MamaFran.